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Eevee17
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Name: Eevee
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Los Angeles
Birthday: 1/17/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: GOD, CAUSE HE'S JUST AWESOME. ALSO LOVE'S LiSTENiNG TO MUSiC, READiNG AND WRiTiNg, &CHATTiNG WiTH FRiENDS. DONT FORGET TO CHECKOUT >>
MySpace
Expertise: CAMERA WHORiNG & BEiNG ME =)
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/28/2003
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| ha. that last post is hillarious. it marks the beginning of the 5 month journey we took to get to know each other. and now, again, we take another step forward. sucker. you're only two years older than me, silly boy. Thanks for the amazing times though. and Coachella. thanks for the amazing time at Coachella. and the amazing night before. the beautiful hotel room. the walk. for waking by my side to your ridiculously loud alarm. haha. we are an adventure, truly. you make me forget the importance of grammar. oh well. london? we'll deal with that when it gets here. for now, thanks for letting me lie in your arms and breathe in your scent. thanks for being a nerd. and for putting up with my ridiculously nerdy ways. and for allowing me to be a smart ass. smarth mouthed. bitchy. feisty. <3
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| He only gets one more chance.
If tomorrow doesn't work out,
that's it. I'm done.
Age was never supposed to be a factor.
Ever. and now... two years seems to make
a big difference.... two years in which he is
'wiser' than me. :(
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| sitting here, all I can think of is how much I have messed up.
It hurts to see all the pictures of everyone, living their happy lives,
being away from home, being open to new experiences. Everyone,
just happy. Everyone, away. Everyone, living different lives. Lives unlike my own.
I'm laying here, on my bed, under the covers, crying and wondering where my life is going.
I don't know anymore. I am so jealous of everyone. Everyone else living
the life I wanted to live. I'm never going to be there. I'm never going to be happy like them.
Everything I do feels so fake. I say I have fun, but do I really? Or do I do it just to not
feel left out from everyone else? I feel so behind... the world has moved forward and I'm stuck here.
I hated my first year of college beyond belief... I hated the people.. the school, but most of all,
myself.
I hated myself for being where I was. I hate myself for letting everything slip and losing control. I hate what I've done to myself. I hate that I can't ever talk to anyone about this. I hate that no one understands. I hate that I feel so lonely yet have so many people around me. I'm existing but not living. I am a loser. A nobody. I don't even think I deserve the good that I do have in my life. My brothers. I love them sooo much. They're my motivation, yet I am not even a good example. I'm terrible. I'm a wreck. I just wish I could drop out and runaway. So many times I've thought of just running... leaving. I have the car and a bit of money, yet, I have no courage for it. Where would I go? what would I do? Nothing.
I'm just a waste of space in this planet we call Earth.
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| I aced my midterm.
I don't love socio for no reason, right?
Gah. I'm really mad or annoyed right now.
Not sure which yet, but its somewhere there.
:(
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| My socio midterm is tomorrow and I feel screwed. I have wasted my day/night. Just because I love studying sociology and have chosen that as my major does not mean that I know everything and shouldn't study. Yet... I'm writing here. I don't even use xanga anymore. I WANT to, but it just feels difficult. Mostly, I want to do it just to rant. I'm not ranting now, but I'm not exactly doing it cause I want to blog about my life. Which is out of control.
I hated my first year of college. It was depressing. Ugly. Disgusting. Lonely. It was terrible and I hated my life. The only good outcome was that it drove me into my Potter addiction and look where that has taken me. Wow. Summer was the best. So many amazing people I met through Potter. Well, that started back in February, right? Yeah. Not the point. I decided this year wouldn't be like last. I wouldn't let the same insecurities bring me down. Now.... well, now my life is insanely intense. Leaving my house at 11:30 and coming back home near dawn... something I never thought I'd be doing. My new group of friends, - awesome. My old group of friends... fucking amazing. I love them all and it's never a dull moment. Even all the driving around taking all those damned freeways, speeding, it's like nothing else. Mexico was outta control... the drive. I can't even talk about the drive there. The drinking and shtuff on the weekends... :D It just feels so good. I love the path my life has taken.
Unfortunately, this has drawbacks, as well. My schoolwork is suffering because I always put pleasure before work. I shouldn't do this, I know. I just can't help it. I feel like there's a whole new world waiting out there for me and I just can't stop from trying to grasp and comprehend everything. I should try and take things slow, but I doubt it will stop. Everything is out of control and I'm loving it. <3
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